The 10 Commandments of Marriage

I have a confession to make... I am no expert at marriage. In fact, I am no where near acceptable to God in this area of my life. We are all familiar with Proverbs 31 about how to be the woman that God expects us to be.



Proverbs 31: 10-30 (The Message)
Hymn to a Good Wife


A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trust her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
She shops aroudn for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She does not worry about her family when it snows,
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
Many women have done wonderful things,
but you have outclassed them all!
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear of God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

How could any woman possibly expect to be able to live up to such a tall order!

I have one major problem... I don't seem to want to be respectful of my husband and let him be the leader of the home. Nothing that he does seems to be acceptable in my eyes. All I can see are the faults that my husband possesses (I won't list them as that would be further disrespect on my behalf) - it does not matter that these faults were once the same things that I found attractive and cute in my husband when I first met him.

I have been re-reading some of my sermon notes from past sermons, hoping that something would jog my memory and help me to get out of this funk that I am in. I really don't want to be at home with my kids, I don't want to cook and clean... all I want to do is sit around and be grouchy. I came across a sermon that my pastor did not the Book of Acts. The focus verse for the sermon was Acts 1:8.

Acts 1:8

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Some people may not read much into that verse, but a light bulb went off in my head and would not dim. Anyone who knows my family, knows that my husband says that he believes in Jesus, what he did for us and what he continues to do for us, but he does nto feels that he needs to attend church regularly (or at all) in order to believe, but how can one grow in their faith without regular church attendance and reading their bible?

I stand her accused and convicted... I have not been reaching out to the unsaved in my own household. I have not been a good example of godly love for my husband, in the way I speak or behave.

1 Peter 3:1-2 "Wives, in the same way, accept the authority of your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the Word, they may be won over without a word, by their wives' conduct, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

I have been failing in one of the most important jobs that God gives to each of His Beloved: to witness to the unsaved of the world, that they may see the love of God through my eyes, my words and my actions. To top it off, I am failing in my marriage covenant by not being submissive to my husband. Instead of being snappy and rude, I should be more accepting of everything that my husband does, as long as none of it is against God's Word.

As I was reading through blog-posts on my old blog site, I came across "The 10 Commandments of Relationships for Busy Couples" that I would like to reshare with you. May the words be a reminder, a chastisement, etc. as to how we as women are to act within a marriage.

1. Remember thy marriage, keep it holy. Your relationship with your spouse, second only to your relationship with God, is your primary commitment. The marital relationship is similar to that between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:24-33) - it is a holy, sacred trust, and must be protected from anything intrusive.
2. Honor thy extended family, and accept its love, support, and assistance. Although the extended family can put a strain on a marriage, it also can be an important source of support - emotional support, babysitting, advice (when solicited), companionship, and even financial help (if offered without strings as an expression of love and concern).
3. Thou shalt practice Christian assertiveness. Christian assertiveness is getting your own way by being open and honest about what is fair so that everyone is treated properly. If you are not assertive in the face of the horde of demands on you, your life will be run by others and your marriage will always be threatened.
4. Thou shalt not commit emotional adultery. Your primary (not your sole) source of emotional support should be your spouse. Marriage get into trouble when one or both partners invest most of their emotional energy in a friend or colleague. And if the friend or colleague is of the opposite sexm the chances for marital problems increase dramatically. Even if emotional adultery does not lead to physical adultery, the results can be devastating for a marriage.
5. Thou shalt not steal time from thy spouse and spend it on community involvement. The issue is not whether to be involved in the community, but how much to be involved. Decide as a couple how many community organizations you can belong to.
6. Thou shalt learn to say no with firm confidence. If you waffle when turning down a request, you're fair gam for arm-twisting efforts. If saying yes means saying no to the needs of your marriage, your responsibility is clear. Remember Commandment One.
7. Thou shalt not covet others' approval to the detriment of thy marriage. Some people have a problem saying no because they need the approval of those who ask. When you exercise Christian assertiveness, you usually gain the respect - and thereby the approval - of others. And if you don't, you'll gain a more important approval - that of your spouse and of God.
8. Thou shalt not kill equity by leaving thy spouse out of thy decision making. In deciding about your involvement with family, friends, and community, be certain that all decisions are joint ones. Equity is priceless. Guard it well.
9. Thou shalt not put personal pleasure before thy spouse. Some requests that come to you will involve things you like to do. There's nothing wrong with personal pleasure. Just remember and protect your primary commitment.
10. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

Be careful not to carry some fo the above ideas to the extreme. The point is not to make your marriage an idol, but to protect and nurture your marriage in the face of more demands than any human can meet. - Adapted from Robert and Jeanette Lauer, Intimacy on the Run (Dimensions for Living, 1996).

I think that Commandment 8 is of particular importance to women. I am not saying that women should have no right to make decisions, nor am I saying that women should make all fo the decisions (although at times, it would make my life easier LOL), but any decisions that we make as women must be shared with our husbands. If the husband is against the decision that has been made by the wife, then what he decides MUST take precedence over the wife's wishes (unless his decision is against God's will as shown in the Scriptures).

I admit tht this is another area that I have problems with... I was brought up to be very assertive and to go after what I want and not to take NO for an answer (neither of my parents are currently believers, but I am still praying that God will soften their hearts). As an adult, being married to a wonderful man, I still find it hard to "bite my tongue" and abide by my husband's words, rather than just doing what I want. The 10 Commandments above are not really commandments (only the scriptures hold the true 10 Commandments), but ideas based on experience on how to make the journey called marriage a little smoother.

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh."