"Mommy, Why are you Angry?"

Today, my daughter asked me the following question, "Mommy, Why are you angry?" and I nearly melted into a pile of mush. Things have been a little stressful around the house for the last few days, as I looked for child-care providers for Cassie and prepared her and myself for my return to work.

Originally, I had planned on moving on to a new facet of my life, being a daughter... but my daughter's question made me realize that maybe I need to spend more time examining my role as a mother a little further. It is amazing how God can use the voice of one small, beautiful child to stir us to action in the direction that he wants us to go.

It took Corissa's innocent little question to make me realize that I have once again slipped into the dangerous trap of being an angry mommy. I have had issues with anger many times throughout my life (unfortunately, my children have been witnesses to quite a few of my meltdowns and for that I am truly sorry my dear little angels) and I have worked so hard at getting myself together in this regard, that it was a hard pill to swallow that I had once again failed at controlling myself and again my children were witnesses.

A dear friend of mine, Tyler Rowan http://www.titus2345.blogspot.com/ spoke at a Friendship Factor about this exact topic. I am so happy that I am by nature a pack-rat and I kept the papers that she handed out to us. This dear woman has also been tasked with learning how to deal with anger and it was refreshing, yet sad, to realize that I am not the only one with this problem.

Tyler gave us 6 points that we need to remember and are useful in all areas of our lives.

1. Secrets are the enemy


2. Words are powerful


3. Change your thinking


4. You are important


5. You can't do it alone


6. Forgiveness is just one prayer away

Excerpted from "Mommy, Why are You Angry: breaking free from anger, one mother to another" - working title, E. Tyler Rowan

I can't thank Tyler enough for the words she spoke on that day... they spoke to my heart and gave me some ideas as to how to deal with my own issue of anger. I miss you so much Tyler and Crossroads is a much lonelier place without you. Please visit this lovely woman's blog site, I know that you will learn lots from her writings, as I know that I have.

In a previous post, I wrote about the scarlet letters in our lives - well ANGER is definitely one of the letters that I regularly wear on my chest. Tyler reminded us that we can not do life alone and that we absolutely need God in our lives, in order to do life. But God isn't the only one that we can talk to about our anger issues, although God should always be the first one that we talk to about anything and everything. We need to find fellow Women of Faith to walk beside us in our journey - to pray for us and to keep us accountable.

I tend to get angry when I get overwhelmed by everything happening in my life and I forget to make sure that I take care of myself. I don't worry about dressing nicely, or doing my hair or making myself feel special (if only temporarily). God has put me in the ministry of motherhood, but that does not mean that He wants me to put myself last and treat myself to the left-overs. Even something little like a late-night bubble bath does wonders for making me feel renewed and energized.

I have also spent time in the Word looking for verses about anger and have begun placing them in specific areas of the house, so that they are available anytime I need a little nudging about my anger issues.

Here are some of the passages that I have found to be helpful to me from "The Woman's Study Bible"1, second edition, page 823.

The Answer to Inappropriate Anger

Don't give full vent to your anger. Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Don't take revenge on a violator. Romans 12:19-21 "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome, by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Don't get caught up in name-calling. Matthew 5:22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire."

Don't expect perfection from people. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

Seek out the source of your anger. Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Ask you wise God for His wisdom. James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Be slow to speak if angry. James 1:19-20 "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Release your right to stay angry. Colossians 3:8 "But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth."

Give your anger to God. 1 Peter 5:8-11 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

Pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44-45 " But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:12-13 "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

Trust God to bring good from your trials. Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Stay ready to forgive anyone for anything. Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."